is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
