He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
