tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
