If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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