Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
