glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
