Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think my nap took me to another dimension
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
