this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
