i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
