i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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