After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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