new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
