A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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