I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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