I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize