I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
