Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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