do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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