you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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