one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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