There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
