mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
