I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
