Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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