I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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