Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
