you traded sex for a burrito?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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