so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
