Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
