new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
