I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
