I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
