Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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