You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
