Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize