Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
be right there i have to get my cape
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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