This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
