omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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