i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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