Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize