What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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