wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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