Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
