I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
