It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
