oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
