you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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