So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
