Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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