Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize