so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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