There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
