I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
