i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
