so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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