How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize