So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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