I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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