...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
