I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize