i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize