Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize