Me too!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
