Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize