Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
