he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
